Acting Out

Well, we figured out what Lucia's deal was. It dribbled out slowly last weekend, but eventually she told us that another girl at school was hitting her. It was a really emotional week overall but those first few days were particularly nail-biting, as we wondered what would happen. Would the school deny it? Would they act immediately? We went in Monday to discuss with the teachers and they said they knew this little girl often went after girls her age, especially if they were new. They have named this little girl the teacher's helper, so that she learns empathy and also is under supervision at all times. But still, one teacher told us she had seen this girl hit Lucia twice and had talked with her about consequences. The other teacher told us that she was going to make it her mission to buddy up with Lucia so she felt like she had an ally to talk to in school if anything was wrong. That night as we picked her up, the founder lifted up the other little girl and had her blow kisses to Lucia. When we got home we did a few role playing exercises where the three of us got a turn to be the aggressor, Lucia and the teacher. I think it was helpful for her. I'm happy to report that both Lucia's and this other girl's behavior has improved quite a bit.

But it hasn't been without some hard work on our part. We agreed at the start of last weekend that structure was key and we delved into our new Positive Discipline book to give us tips on specific situations and how to approach them. We also gave her tons of choices in the hopes the books were right and it would make her feel empowered. 48 hours later, she was able to tell us what was going on at school, so I feel like it was worth it. We got the general sense that she wasn't feeling safe, so I'm comforted that she was able to talk to us once we buckled down the structure. Sometimes I feel like we actually know what we're doing.

Aside from the two times she bit Pete this week and drew blood, we've seen an improvement in her behavior. We had a long talk about the biting and associated hitting we've seen and how all emotions are normal and healthy and that hitting and biting are not OK. MAN it's hard to not get mad when stuff like that happens. But we agree it's really important to be consistent in our approach, so here we are.

I have to say I was also really impressed and appreciated the effort the school made to reach out to the other girl, and give her the tools to express herself in a non-violent way. She's a sweet girl otherwise, but apparently had a rough start. I sat with her at the party the school had on Wednesday to celebrate the newly potty trained kids and clapped for her and congratulated her when they called her name. And yesterday Lucia brought home a card from her with stickers on it that she had made just for Lucia. So sweet.

We also gave notice at our daycare this week, so that Lucia can better assimilate into the new school. We think going back and forth (school MWF, daycare T-Th) has been confusing for her. April 3 she'll start full time at her new school. We're excited/relieved/hopeful.