Fraaaazzzzzly

Welp, we're at the awkward phase (so I hear?) where Lucia sometimes needs a nap on the weekends. Some days if she skips her nap she's slightly cranky and starts to disintegrate around dinner time. Other times she is just so miserable. I'll let you guess which way this weekend went.  

Saturday we went to our last swimming lesson with Selma, and brought her picture that we fingerpainted the night before and Daddy dried with the hair dryer. Here she is running it in to show Selma. 

Afterwards we were all hungry, so we went home, walked to the farmer's market, then walked to the new burger place in our neighborhood (squeee!!!). On the walk home, Lucia refused to hold hands, threw herself on the sidewalk bawling, refused to walk, refused to get in the stroller, and continued sobbing for her Lovey (who was in her hands). Good lord. 

Maybe all kids are like this, I have no idea. My base of experience and the extent of my "knowledge" is based on Lucia. But there's a definite point of no return with her. If you wait to put her down, she pushes herself and there is absolutely no way, I mean like NO POSSIBLE WAY, that she'll go down for a nap. So naturally that's what happened yesterday. And with Lucia, if she reaches that point then bedtime is even more of a battle. It's awful. ONE missed nap = messed up sleep and terrorist behavior for days on end. Gah. 

Today we had brunch plans with our awesome friends Chris and Mandy; so we weren't home at 1, but as if on cue, she starts acting up at 12:30. We (stupidly) decided to do some grocery shopping before her new swimming lesson and she was beyond evil. And I don't use that term lightly; I really mean it. Throwing her shoes across the car while we're driving (!), laying down in the grocery store, refusing to get in the cart, refusing to walk, hitting me, kicking me, etc. etc. It's hard when you're in those situations to 1. remain calm 2. not laugh, because she's acting SO ridiculous 3. correct her in a way that's positive. We tried over and over again to remember to give her two choices (in the seat of the cart or on the bottom of the cart, you get to choose Lucia!), and to talk through things with her, but man, it was frazzling. By the time we got to the swimming place, we were all needing a time out, frankly.

All of this to tell you that tonight we ordered the Positive Discipline for Preschoolers book. We have their other books and like their philosophy. We learned about them from our daycare providers and something that Lucia really, really responds to. The basic idea is that you set a boundary, then give her space to figure it out, then if she goes over it, there are consequences. Never punishment in the conventional form, but consequences. No shame, just straightforward consequences. 

We had many, many talks this weekend (most of them in frazzled whispers) about how we need to send the same message and above all, be consistent. We admit, we have no idea what we're doing. We know what sometimes works with her, and we agree we want her to understand boundaries, but man, we struggle (like everyone, I know) with how to get from A to B. This is quite a departure from 3+ years ago. 

I fully admit I was more than a little over-the-top as a Know It All/Stubborn first-time mom when Lucia was first born. I was going to do it MY WAY and that was fine if so-and-so went through something similar but my situation was SO UNIQUE so thankyouverymuch, I was just fine on my own. 

Until I started realizing that my situation wasn't that unique. And that I could learn A LOT from those who had struggled before me. If you tried to give me advice when I was pregnant/a new mom and I blew you off, I am sorry! Really sorry! Mea culpa!! 

And the thing about struggling moms is there's nothing more empowering than once you're on the other side of the struggle (as I have learned, through struggling, possibly unnecessarily), being able to talk about it and give someone else advice who is at the beginning of their struggle. Win-freaking-win. 

To that end, I have been humbled into looking for help and asking for it, and most importantly: LISTENING to it when we're struggling with Lucia. I think we both are, actually. We look forward to devouring our book, and MOST IMPORTANTLY do everything in our power to make sure she gets a nap on the weekends. 

The resemblance

Eerie.

Moving up!

Today was her last Tadpole class! Could she look more like Pete here? Not possible.

Milo and Lucia's new friends

When we picked up Lucia tonight at her new school, we got to meet some of the other parents and her new friends. There's Draw-shoo-ah (Joshua), Piper, Maven and Mia. Apparently Piper, Maven and Lucia are best buds and hold hands a lot. Today they made a baby hospital and took care of the babies, who clearly needed their care. Also, Milo apparently carries Lucia's lunch for her when they go to get them each day. How hilarious is that? He grabs his, then puts her lunchbox on top of his. 

She is LOVING her new school and meeting her new friends. We're really excited.

TCHO Chocolate bark class

Heather gave me a very nice little present for Valentines Day: A chocolate bark making class hosted by TCHO. For those who does not know TCHO it is a very small artisan chocolate factory in San Francisco that makes world class products. They make their chocolate from specific regions around the world and depending on where the chocolate comes from it will taste very differently, they dont add any flavors, its the chocolate itself that is so diverse.
Making chocolate bark is super simple, just pour some melted chocolate on a tray and sprinkle what you feel like on top, but to make it well theres some finer details to it. The expert from the chocolate factory highlighted things like look, texture, mouthfeel, consistency and so on.
Good chocolate is shiny, semi-hard almost crisp yet smooth, and heres where it gets a little scientific, the chocolate needs to be "tempered". And at this point I started having flashbacks to my material science classes. The desirable qualities of good chocolate comes from the tempering process, and according to TCHO you need to do the following:
Heat it to 120F, over indirect heat. This will melt all internal structure (crystalline structure) in the chocolate. You then cool it down to about 100F while constantly stirring, then comes the important part: add already tempered chocolate. About 1/3 more. These cool, fresh chocolate bits will have the desired crystalline structure that the melted chocolate can build upon as it cools down so the rest of the batch will adapt the factory tempered and tight structure. If you just cool down completely melted chocolate, the crystalline structure will be full of messy crystals and this will weaken the structure and not reflect light well. Affecting look and feel.
Keep stirring until about 90F and completely smooth and then pour into a flat tray or whatever form you like. Remove air bubbles by smacking the tray a few times and sprinkle whatever you like on top of the melted chocolate. Since good chocolate has a natural fat content of about 60% other fat things like nuts and bacon goes well, also sweet things like dried berries work well, to bring things to the next level sprinke coarse salt on the chocolate. To cool the chocolate you need a cool dry place.
One of the more interesting things I learned in class was that you can take raw (roasted) chocolate beans and put them in the blender and make chocolate butter just like you make peanut butter. I guess you can add some sugar and vanilla but wow, home made chocolate spread.... yes please!
At the end of the class we all got to eat as much of the results we wanted. It was divine. We also got to take home a goodie bag of the ingredients that was used in class. Thanks babe!

Maggis

Maggie's last walk this morning

I was there when he picked her out, December 2004. It was super cold but bright sunshiny day. We wound along a country road outside York, Penn. to go to a breeder. He wanted a purebred black Labrador. He had already met her a few days earlier, but today was the day he was picking her up. He named her Maggie, likely after the character on his then (and now?) favorite show The Simpsons. We took her to the pet store to pick out her first collar, leash and bowls. She was 8 weeks old and a terror; chewing and biting and pooping and peeing, like all puppies do. But she was also ridiculously cute, so it was hard to say no to her. 

They were like peas and carrots. Maggie had a soft sentimentality to her; a quietness that you could tell always brought Josh home. She was his home, for all intents and purposes. With that never-ending wag of her tail and those little pocket eyelids that drooped down, almost as if her eyeballs had never grown into them, she loved him with all she had. 

Cancer ravaged her. Her once gorgeous coat -- strangers on the street would routinely compliment Josh on her shiny, thick black coat, was gone, replaced by oozing sores and scaly abrasions. Her waggy tail that was fast in motion today when I brought her bacon and greeted her, was almost entirely just skin. Very little fur. It was difficult to find a place to pet her. I let her give me as many kisses as she wanted. Josh found out in October about his friend's fate and decided to try everything to save her. His friend. His best friend. He lost. 

Today as they put the IV in and just before that final medicine push; she stared at him with such intensity. He sobbed and closed his eyes, but in that moment, I could see that she was sending every ounce of love that she had to him, and making sure he was OK. And isn't that the point of having a dog, after all? Isn't that what it's all about? That unconditional love -- to the very, very end -- making sure he was OK. 

My heart broke today for Josh. It was the right thing to do for her, just like it was for Mrs. Baylee. But as many times as people told me that at the time, and I knew that to be true in my heart, I kept thinking, what about me? And what about Josh, now that she's gone. 

Sometimes I really hate the march of time. Babies grow up. Dogs die. Marriages split up. People get sick. The bittersweet march of life goes on. I know the painful times give you perspective and appreciation for the happy times, but man, those gut-wrenching days like today are tough to swallow. 

Goodbye Maggie Moo Lynch. You were so much more than a dog. You were loved beyond belief. 

Our Little Starfish

I noticed when we went to swimming lessons last week that Lucia was the oldest kid, by far. Hmm,  interesting, I thought. Then today, as I sat in the viewing gallery, I chatted with another mom and asked, how do you know when to transition them to the next level? She said, well if she's 3, it's probably time.

I was nervous about pushing for moving her up, because as we all know I can be a little too Type A about these things, but I read the descriptions for the classes, and yesiree, the Starfish class is for kids who are not afraid of the water but are still reluctant to put their faces in. That describes Lucia.

We start next Sunday at 2:30. This is awesome because we'll have our Saturdays back to go to the Farmer's Market, something we've truly missed. Our little neighborhood has such a great buzz on Saturdays. Even if we don't buy all of our groceries there, it's still so fun to go down there, get coffee and treats, then walk home. Since August we've had to drive past to and from swimming but didn't get to participate. So yay!

Unfortunately, our new classes will not be with the same teacher, which is tough. Selma is incredible, and Lucia and I talked about it today and we're going to make her a picture (which I'll have laminated at Kinko's so it doesn't get wet and ruined). Selma asked Lucia for a hug today, so I'm pretty sure the feeling is mutual. But it's time to move up. She'll go see Selma one last time next Saturday, then Rachel on Sunday as well. FUN!

Kevin's House

We've slowly started introducing the concept of God and heaven to Lucia. We started it when Baylee died, telling her that she got sick and died and when to heaven. But it's a concept she's started to pick up more and more as her verbal and logic skills have progressed. She often tells people "Baylee got sick and died." So last night when were talking about Eddie's cat Pica, who Lauren and Justin put down last week. I told Lucia and she said, Oh? She got sick and went to Kevin's House?

(Kevin is my co-worker)

Turns out she has Kevin's House confused with heaven. Pete and I could not stop laughing about it. Kevin's House is obviously where people go when they die. So funny. 

First day

I think she had a good first (half) day. When I arrived to pick her up she saw sitting outside with the rest of her group having lunch.

She said she had had a good day and wanted to bring her lunch box tomorrow also. I think it would have been better for her to stay there all day considering her confusion coming home alone with me. Looking for her mom and how hard it was for her to try have a nap.
Here are some pictures I took this morning from where she will be playing inside, however they keep the kids outside as much as possible.

More Pictures of the New Preschool

These are from Facebook, so you won't see Lucia in any of these pics. Still, behold that backyard.

Five

Silly

What A Ride

Five years ago today, we began this journey. I always thought that marriage would be the end point; you work up to this when you are dating and BOOM, you're married, end of story. Truly, happily ever-freaking-after. 

Um yeah, I was wrong. What has surprised me the *most* about marriage is that sometimes, in the strangest of ways, it's like someone holding up a mirror and showing your flaws and imperfections. It's raw and real and wow, hard sometimes. 

But the depth of love, oh how it's grown. Before it was dizzying love with wow, this is the ONE kind of feeling and feeling so good to have found HIM, the one I've been saving my heart for. Here he is. And now, five years later, I feel like our love – how we hold each other in this world – has gotten richer and more flavorful and I dunno, just evolved. He's my best friend. He's the captain of my cheerleading team. He has held my hand and held me tight through this incredibly tough last year, promising me over and over we're in this together and we'll make it through. 

Tomorrow, as I get ready to go out to dinner and celebrate with him, I can't wait to bliss out and look into his eyes and remember those vows we said on the beach and the promise and hope they held, and the steadfast way they remain. 

I love you so much Peter Hansen. You are my home. 

New daycare visit

Lucia and I paid a visit to the new day care this afternoon to check things out and meet her new teachers and new friends. Lucia was very excited about this and asked all the way over if this was the way to her new day care.

She seemed a little shy, especially with the older kids, around 4 years old, but she enjoyed it quite a bit when they started making a "bridge" out of some planks and wooden blocks and pretended this was going somewhere, or when they rearranged it to become an airplane going to San Francisco.

A little boy, probably 2.5 years old came running to me as soon as I got there and grabbed my legs, the teacher told me he did this to all men.. Endearing and bitter sweet.

We also got to go inside in the main room where they had put a name tag on her cubby on so she can hang her clothes, keep her lunch box and sleeping bag.

She will start next Monday but only go for half a day first and then have her first full day Wednesday.

Big Weekend Plans

This weekend we've got a packed but exciting schedule: tomorrow is swimming lessons, then afterwards Mommy is going to get a manicure/pedicure with a soon-to-be expired Groupon-thingy with my former running partner Becky. Fun! I never ever go have my nails done (I think it's been 2-3 years since the last time), so it's pretty exciting. Later that afternoon our new babysitter, who we really fell in like with at our church daycare, is coming over for a babysitting test-drive. Since she's 18, we wanted to make sure she was comfortable in the house and with Lucia's food allergies (I'll spring that latter part on her after we're knee-deep in snacks on Saturday). We needed to find a regular babysitter because... 

Sunday is our 5-year wedding anniversary. We can't believe it either. FIVE years. I told Pete last night I must sure like him, since previous applicants for the job only lasted a few years at best. FIVE years. Wow. I think this year has been our richest in terms of depth and bonding and well, solidifying our relationship. Going through tough times will do that, I guess. We are heading to Gary Danko, the top restaurant in San Francisco and where we celebrated that night 5 years ago, for an awesome dinner. Since we met at a Superbowl party, it's fitting that our actual anniversary this year is on Superbowl Sunday. We're excited to spend some quiet time together. We're taking a cab to the BART and then another cab to the restaurant (I think) so we can enjoy their overpriced but incredibly lovely wine. 

Happy weekend. Pictures to come.

One more

One more vaccination before starting at the new preschool Monday. Here she is waiting and playing with the germy toys.