First, let me tell you that I have an on-off relationship with prayer, meaning I turn to it when I'm really really desperate, and then it somehow works and I think, how am I not doing this on a regular basis? Then things are good and I forget and then something bad happens and here we are again.
So, breastfeeding. Folks, it's been tough. I'm not gonna lie. Espen is getting better, true, and Mary helped tremendously last weekend with getting him to latch. However, it was a poor, shallow latch and one that was extremely painful. Tuesday I cried a lot and thought about quitting altogether. Wednesday I went to my support group at the lactation consultants and felt better about things. Thursday I went to have a one-on-one with the lactation consultant and she watched him "latch" and said, well it'll be so much better once his tongue is clipped.
Pardon me? I said. He's already had it clipped. Oh!? she said, he's still tongue tied. Meaning, he's not going to latch until we get it fixed. :( And that he could have problems eating solid foods and will continue to cough a lot when he drinks milk, because the base of his tongue can't come up to push milk down his throat and instead it goes into his windpipe. Scary.
We talked about what to do next. The doc who did the clipping is the head of the Ear, Nose and Throat program at the children's hospital here (and outside of our insurance). He does not do second clippings. He just doesn't (a call with him yesterday morning confirmed). She suggested another doc, but based on his yelp reviews, erg, that wasn't going to happen. I thought of a third option this morning: call the Kaiser ENT department and try to get in. I tried to call three times today with no luck. But then! They called me (I had left a msg somewhere) and said, is there any way you could come today? So I chose an appointment where Pete could meet me (thankful for his crazy early work schedule!), and off we went.
I was super skeptical. The Kaiser lactation consultants had missed his tongue tie altogether, so I didn't have much hope. But still, I felt better about going to an ENT versus some dentist.
We arrived and saw the doc. We start talking, and she explains she has a three month old who was also tongue tied. She tells us she is going to the same lactation consultant as us (!) and knows them well. She checked him out and said she definitely felt additional tightness around the base of his tongue. She clipped it and rechecked and clipped again until she didn't feel it anymore. The end. The appointment was free.
I prayed all week for some peace around breastfeeding in whatever form that would come: a nudge in some direction or some clarity to either stop or keep hanging in there. I was starting to despair and plot my exit strategy for switching to all formula. Pumping milk every three hours 'round the clock is tedious at best, and it also consumes four hours of my day where I could be noodling my kiddo or sleeping. Four hours. Trying Espen on the breast is tough work; while he's much more laid back than Lucia was, he's also hungry and it's hard to feel like I'm pushing him or challenging him when all he's trying to do is eat.
And today those prayers were answered: everything unfolded pretty magically, like it always does when things are supposed to be. An open appointment that Pete could attend. A doctor who has been through exactly what I've been through. A solution, one day after we discovered a problem. This prayer stuff works. Next I will ask to lose the rest of the baby weight and to hit the lottery. Kidding! Next I'll just start focusing on being thankful and asking for additional patience when a certain four-year-old tests her boundaries.
